That awkward moment at a coffee shop when someone is sitting right over the power plug and you need to reach under theirs legs to plug in or pull out your cord.
I was at Starbucks doing a bit of writing and internet cruising on my computer, while enjoying my overpriced cappuccino. I had my laptop connected to a nearby plug at ground level and had been comfortably hogging it for more than an hour as I, ever so slowly, sipped my tall size coffee.
I needed to ask her if I could sneak in underneath her legs to get my cord. Only problem was that the lady was right in the middle of a hot coffee date. And the guy who she sitting with had her full attention, enthusiastically chatting her up a storm.
I couldn’t understand more than a word or two of what he was saying, as he was talking fast and furious in Cantonese. I could only assume it was an amazing story though, just by the sheer excitement in how he was telling it, with body language to match.
Whatever story he was telling, I got the feeling he was determined to impress this lady and believe me, he was succeeding. She was completely enraptured by this story, whatever it might have been.
Meanwhile, I was sitting there, waiting for a stopping point of some kind to intercede, but there seemed to be no stopping this guy’s flow. He was firing off words like James Joyce on amphetamines. For those unfamiliar with the works of James Joyce, check out this clip from the classic film Back To School from 0:42 onward for a taste of what I mean.
Being that it would be kind of awkward to interrupt this couple during their moment, I decided to stall my plunge downward to retrieve my cord. I started slowly, but steadily packing up all my things. As I did, I was hoping that, by the time I had finished wrapping up my odds and ends and shoved them into my backpack, I would finally get my chance at making a congenial interruption, with as little awkwardness as possible. Unfortunately, I had no such luck…
I sat there with powercord half wrapped in my hands, looking over at them with this “hey, I don’t mean to interrupt” look on my face, patiently waiting for them to notice my eyes burning into their faces, but nope. They were in another world. A happier world. A world without being trapped from taking their powercord from underneath a pair of legs while the nonstop blossoming of true love was taking place above the table.
Eventually, my patience wore thin and I had to take action.
I tapped on the girl’s shoulder, while the dude was mid-sentence. Surprise registered on them both instantly as she turned to find this random westerner stealing away this girl’s attention. Immediately, I was like “hi, excuse me, sorry, but I need to, down there, my cord, the plug, really sorry about that, thanks!”
Realizing what I was asking, the lady moved her legs just enough in order for me squeeze down underneath her. And so I contorted my body downward to try to take this cord from under her legs as unsuspiciously as possible.
When I rose up, trimphantly, cord in hand, I saw the face of the guy. His facial expression was brief, but definitive. No doubt in my mind, this guy was saying to himself “hey, I was the one that was supposed to get in between her legs.”
So I just give him this look back like “geez guy, what you want from me?” I mean, let’s be real. I gotta do, what I gotta do.
I didn’t say another word. I finished packing up and rushed out like a thief in the night, leaving them to awkwardly continue their date. I could tell that I must have spoiled “the mood”, but I do hope he managed to get back on his game. I mean you had to give him credit. He must have had one hell of a story that he was telling.
Still, let this be a lesson to all coffee daters out there. If you want to make the best impression, before you start telling her the story of the century, or reciting heart melting poetry, be sure to take a second to make sure your girl isn’t sitting on some other guy’s cord first.